I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
