smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize