We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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