i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
