Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
