well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
