It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
