you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
