I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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