he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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