Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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