capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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