glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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