the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
