so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
