The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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