mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my sisters under your porch take her home
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
