sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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