i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
