Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
