omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
try to milk me bitch
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