don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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