And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
