I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
