Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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