you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
