NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
