i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
