I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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