i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
