if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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