i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
