Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
