When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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