The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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