Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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