i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
