So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
