I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
