At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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