Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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