So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
