I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
