I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
