I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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