my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
