In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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