You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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