Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize