i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
