I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
