Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
