I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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