no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it's like iHOP with fire
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
