Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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