The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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