Only a mothe r could love this liver
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
