how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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