Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I will die if light touches me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
