I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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