Barsexuality is the new black.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
