Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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