He uses pillows to masturbate.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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