Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
