Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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