We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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