You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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