her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
