I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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