I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
