It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
