I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
