Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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