Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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