Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
