There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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